whalefarm inc

through

2011-10-25T04:23:00.000+13:00

it seems i had nearly forgotten about this blog.
my last post indicated that i would say something after my clinicals. its just over a year since i sat those. i thought i'd be pleased to say yes, i passed. a year on in.
another year till i get my ticket. finally, consultant.
it seems that everytime one goal is achieved the yard stick moves again - it feels as though one does not actually 'arrive'. i cannot tell you of how many instances i have felt like a fraud - feeling (and knowing) that i don't actually know anything about human nature but being perceived to hold the answers to the questions of what it means to be human by my patients. are you kidding? its interesting though, that much of the work is akin to pastoral care.

anyways, i won't harp on for too much longer.
i will retire this blog from this post on (i think it's served its purpose, albeit a selfish one) but have actually been posting on www.thepsychreg.blogspot.com over the last year. as you can probably guess, i've separated my blog posts as a way to mark developmental progression. by way of introduction, thepsychreg is merely a place to contain my thoughts/feelings/ideas/life ponderings etc...over the course of my professional development as a child psychiatrist in the last couple of years of my training.

i'll be grown up soon

2010-09-26T13:51:00.002+13:00

2 years since my last blog post!

i will be sitting the last exam of my registrar life!

the drive to escape training and the desperation of needing to feel like an adult is starting to take its toll a little.

confidence waning and anxiety rising. i am blessed to have support from family and friends.

2 weeks from now - 1 year of hard slog funneled into 50minutes of precious precious time.

next post in 2 weeks.

understanding is fun

2008-09-24T16:59:00.006+12:00

the chestnut of how the fall of man consequently led to adverse effects for the human race ipso facto physical and mental disorders is old hat. however in our clinical work - using this as an explanation doesn't suffice. engel talked about holistic practice ie. taking the biological, psychological, and social perspectives on board in our formulations of patient problems - some argue that its a little too broad and non-specific for people's tastes - but it seems to cover the major issues for patients. albeit with broad brush strokes.

what's missing is of course spirituality AND even more important culture (*gasp! what is he saying?! "heathen!"). Interestingly your religious leanings seems to say a lot about your own personality - pathological or not.

when confronted with a clinical problem we have to consider context - you'd be a little bit foolish to conclude that pontine meningiomas are demonic and perhaps curable only by exorcism (Manning 2008, personal correspondence!) also i'd be foolish to say that the sequelae of having to cope with it doesn't involve faith.

hearing 'voices' as in auditory hallucinations may very well have a biological substrate however the meaning attributed to them will invariably be influenced by one's cultural leanings and spiritual beliefs. us so called "christian psychiatrists" get a bit of a bad rep. we are the proverbial soft targets for both ultra conservatives and our medical counterparts. so you can imagine it gets kinda lonely where we are.

people with schizophrenia are the poorest of the poor, and perceived to be the weakest of the weak - not only are they generally in worse states of physical health, they seem to have higher rates of suicide too, and are more likely to be financially destitute. a veritable mission field - the work is great and the workers are so so few ... or working for pharma.

it is true that psychiatrists were involved in a number of significant abuses including the so called 'logical conclusion' of the eugenics movement during the nazi regimen - misguided by erronous neo-darwinian and neo-mendelian theories. also let us not forget the old soviet union - when once again misguided psychiatrists were more agents of the state than doctors. often 'labelling' political dissenters as insane. however psychiatrists like phillipe pinel in the 1800's and guys like benjamin rush were radical enough to speak against the archaic beliefs of pre-enlightenment christians. remember salem? so called 'witches' suffering from mental illnesses were treated with burnings. a quick fix no doubt.

we like to blame each other for all that is wrong in the world - really we ought to be taking a good hard look at ourselves.

men of taste

2008-07-21T00:50:00.003+12:00

photo courtesy of hannah (cheers!)

although i don't remember this particular photo being shot, i don't even remember us ever being this cool! perhaps the hair extensions were a little retarded.
its been over 3 years since galmi and still the memory of it remains hot in my mind. seeing this photo has that strange effect of inducing odd euphoric-melancholic feelings in my gut (its not the shirts...they're pretty gnarly eh?) . i just doubt that our presence there had any lasting impact on that land - rather its changed me more than i thought. the vastness of africa simply absorbed my ego like an m and m in a boiling vat of bolognaise. while there i thought i was doing some good. changing things with what little i had to give. the converse is true. africa has left its mark on me.

instead of invigoration or inspiration, a feeling of sadness has crept in - have i lost that zeal and enthusiasm that us physicians-in-training started with? i don't think i can blame the work load or the gruelling process of further specialist training - have i grown a brain too proud for self examination? is it better to criticise or accept without judgement? they say that ignorance is bliss. more than ever am i beginning to realise how apt that aphorism might be. debating the validity of mission work (and everything else) leaves me with a little sour taste. yes, i know that it is essential in particular situations - however i am also only beginning to learn how to suspend this function for the better experience of fun and humour. only now am i starting to realise that one can have both. i thought i had given up on returning there to galmi - now i wonder if going back would be a good thing?

lkjlkjlkjl

2007-08-23T22:38:00.000+12:00

i suffer from writers' block. its chronic.
surveying various blogs here and there, most of them reputable and interesting, leaves me feeling mentally stunted. notwithstanding my own opinions on various topics/issues/blah/blah/blah, i think i have an aversion to making them heard. unless what i say is going to produce some sort of benefit - then its better not to say it. (you may disregard all of this by the way). whoa...there's a contradiction! i mean, is what i think really going to have any sort of meaning unless i do something about it?

have you ever been anywhere where you might be in a position (through no fault of your own) to eavesdrop on a private debate - where two or more very opinionated buffoons argue in futility about issues which ain't gonna be solved because they're arguing about it?
"oh but davin - its healthy to talk about important issues - because it makes you think". Is that all? Is that all you are going to do? 'Think?' - Why won't you do something instead? You've just wasted thousands of calories basically talking about nothing - congratulations you've (in some small way!) managed to amplify the greenhouse effect with all your hoo haa. LOL. those poor poor canaries.

formatting woes

2007-08-09T00:27:00.000+12:00

what a dumbass.
i had backed up all my old files including my CV on 5 separate cds.
i formatted my hard drive.
i reinstall everything.
load the backup cds...only to find that my old files hadn't been saved onto the cds!!!!!!

such a goober!
photos, music, documents. gone. kaput.

damn it.

Whalefarmers unite!

2007-07-07T13:39:00.000+12:00

after 3 and a half years of collating our half-baked ideas, we've finally printed our first run of tees. rest assured that there will be more! i just hope it doesn't take another 3 and a half years.

What Whalefarm is not:

We are not a clothing label! Albeit we are presently using that medium to present our ideas and to make statements.

What ideas?

Well, they're not so much ideas as they are statements. There is a tonne of stuff out there in the world put forward by various people and groups with strong ideas, and some have louder voices than others. Some ideas are better than others. Some ideas are crazier and dumber than others. HOW should people respond to them? Exactly...!

We would like people to examine facts. Search for truths - (note that it is the search that is the reward). Educate ourselves. Don't take everything presented to you at face value.

What is it that really matters?

Disregard trivia. But know that they exist.

Basically we like poking fun at people who take themselves too seriously, in the hopes that they'll stop taking themselves too seriously.

You can choose to buy a t-shirt from our first run for $40....its up to you.

Comes in 4 colours, red, miltary green and 2 others - i can't remember what they are.

Size range - small to large, and medium in the middle.

send me an email if you'd like one

whalefarm@hotmail.com

2007-06-14T15:08:00.000+12:00

its almost here!

be the first to get one (or 3)

space

2007-04-13T13:33:00.000+12:00

man. how long has it been since my last entry? carmi...this is for you...but not just you.

im here in my office. i have no patients scheduled today. i spent the morning thumbing through various psychiatric journals and i read excerpts from the new zealand medical journal. i then had a chicken pie and an avocado sandwich for lunch. after my stomach was full, i trudged lazily upstairs to sit with a couple of colleagues who happen to be old friends (they were both on their lunch breaks). i think my stomach is actually expanding - the volume of food im consuming has increased in recent months and i think this is directly correlated with the size of my waist. im sitting up straight - hoping that i'll burn some calories doing so.

i've managed to finally get through this book that i've been reading for the last month! its called the 'interpreter of maladies' - a collection of short stories written by pulizter prize winner Jhumpa Lahiri. at first i wasn't sure whether i liked it or not. i've decided that i do like it, but i don't think i'll read it again. the stories are basically about outsiders - people who don't quite fit in and the reader is shown only a cross sectional view of their lives, we are forced to come up with our own conclusions to these stories i.e.: what happens next? - seems to be the question i was asking myself each time! Its as if Ms. Lahiri, through this book, wishes to convey that life goes on.

i'll be driving down to tauranga straight after work to see charity.

i've made a mixed cd of eclectic up beat tunes to keep my mind busy for the journey. i need to shave. i hate stubble. i look so dirty. im feeling a little bloated too - dang chicken pie!

i think i'll go make myself a cup of coffee. i might look up the latest clinical guidelines for the management of various mental disorders...maybe.

Upcomin GIG

2007-02-14T23:43:00.000+13:00

my band [sansarcade] will be playing @ Schooner Tavern on 15th March - 8pm start.

tickets are $5 at the door - a steal!

its gonna be way way way fun.

just let the poor die

2007-02-08T00:06:00.000+13:00

"just let the poor die"

you'd never hear me say or think that in a demi-century. but my actions. the selfish things i strive for, and the meaningless accruement of more material wealth. even the title of "Missionary" -even for a short term- which only serves to boost my already inflated ego. all that...disables me from doing the things that really matter.

what inspired such impassioned introspection - i hear someone ask? here we go...
it is not enough to have an "open heart/ and an open mind". BOLLOCKS. i heard someone say this-in regard to the plight of innocent people whose blood is being shed all over the world. what good is an open heart/open mind if nothing of 'time-worthiness' is collected in that filter we call brains. we are saturated with crap everyday. in the news - we hear about new zealand winning that sevens rugby game.yay. yawn! in the media - we hear tom and katie are squabbling over baby suri? people talk about how their workmate is a biatch for getting that promotion instead of them. and even church. yes. church - lets store up treasures in heaven guys - c'mon. Jesus wants YOU TO PROSPER ! oh. by the way your hair looks great , oh dude...that is a sweet outfit.you have soooo much style. oh u play the guitar? you should totally play at some christian concert/festival thinig! yeah!

sorry. maybe that was a little harsh. can't delete that now though. on a roll.
the church stands at the junction of power and powerlessness. i cannot help but feel we are standing with our feet pointed towards the latter. now let me first disclaim that i am in no way implicating any particular body of worship here. i speak generally. having said that however - it does have personal implications. at least i hope it does. i too am guilty of the same crimes - including the one of blissful ignorance. ah. free will. when was the last time you sung a song at church about Amadou dying on the street because he got no malaria pills - [you can buy them here for less than a dollar from the pharmacy in new zealand]? probably never. no no no. that would be too "in your face" ... too "confrontational". oh yes yes yes. you are quite right, we wouldn't want to tell people what its really like out there in the world, let alone think about that stuff. people just gotta get closer to God. we just gotta pray more. fast more. read our bibles more. lets get spiritual. coz that's what the world needs now isn't it.

c'mon man. lets do something with our lives. i feel like cussing right now. f'in lets do something!

finish that university degree so you can use that knowledge to free martyrs in jail.

go write that poem so you can inspire the oppressed.

go paint that painting - make people feel.

go finish that engineering degree so at least Amadou doesn't have to breathe dust while he's dying.

2007-02-02T12:54:00.000+13:00

the fact that i had to be reminded that it was my birthday is probably commensurate with its insignificance. well perhaps that is a little hard - i suppose i feel a little indifferent or maybe its ambivalence?

what significance does "25" have? a quarter of a century young. what does it mean for me?

im not really sure to be honest. i still feel like a kid - as if i haven't quite grown up enough- indolent. maybe i never will and lets hope so.

its a little irksome that we should even be talking about 'n' life crises'...why 25? why not 26? or 16? etc etc. i guess its just an arbitrary figure, but i reckon its a kind of rest station to take stock and think about stuff e.g.: are we happy? and so on. its a little selfish - but that's okay, sometimes you gotta be in order to evaluate yourself and see where you fit in the grand schema. there are a few things i'd like to see happen in my lifetime before i go though. [i've had this inkling notion that mine will be short. about a decade left to go]. i'd like to see equal opportunity available to my bros/sists in Niger - and to achieve this would require a wholistic approach to mental/spiritual/physical well being - which would include improving the social milieu and all that good social justice stuff those hippies rave about :)

here's to another 25 + years. weeeeee!

klink*

good news?

2007-02-01T09:59:00.000+13:00

i read in the paper today -
a young pakistani girl was raped by 11 men and then forced to parade herself naked downtown - the men felt their actions were justified after her brother had eloped with a local villager (obviously their family did not approve!).

how do we let such atrocities happen? though i understand it in the context of our propensity for evil...i still don't get it. this should not discourage us, rather it should challenge us to do something.

amid all this tragic news.
there are uplifting stories.
i had the pleasure of helping a young 30 year old schizophrenic lady. disowned by her family, and cast out of their home - they had had enough. they had even uttered the heart shredding words "my daughter is dead. this is not my child". it all seemed hopeless for her. but not so. she's now living in a supported flat and pretty much fully functional again - normal. she's happy. i cannot stop smiling.

duty

2007-01-31T14:37:00.000+13:00

psychiatrists* come closer to human suffering than any other branch of medicine. so we should be aware of the fact that poverty and political, social and economic inequalities between groups predispose to conflict. they directly contribute to psychiatric morbidity by increasing the disparity between the 'haves' and the 'have nots'. the greater global psychiatric community has a moral duty help such. conflict is greater in semi democracies or governments in transition like east Africa and democratic institutions must be inclusive at all levels

*A physician (an M.D.) who specializes in the prevention, diagnosis, and treatment of mental illness. Psychiatrists must receive additional training and serve a supervised residency in their specialty. They may also have additional training in a psychiatric specialty, such as child psychiatry or neuropsychiatry. They can prescribe medication, which psychologists cannot do

A

2007-01-29T19:16:00.000+13:00

its been almost a year a half since we left niger. traces of africa still occupy my mind. i cannot forget. perusing the hundreds of photographs daniel and i , took caused memories i had thought forgotten to resurface. and its now never been more alive in my mind. i suppose i've become almost obsessed with the idea (see previous post). i stumbled across this photo of *A*.

now i recognise his suffering. i was never really convinced of it until now. im sure he had the so called 'supreme affliction' - a disorder of the mind. left undiagnosed. misunderstood and stigmatised - this young man lived a life that was ridiculed. i feel sorry. i feel angry at myself for not seeing it-if i had would i have been able to help him? to our credit we offered him our friendship - but certainly this was not enough. i yearn to see good health return to people like *A*.
is hope a mystical thing?

i've long had an inkling that i might die young. all i ask is that i live long enough to see some sliver of resolve.

hope rising now.

...

2007-01-25T13:36:00.000+13:00

forgive the title. its a little broad. but i think its apt. don't worry this entry will not take long to read...not that im really worried about what you think.

plenty has happened in this whalefarmers' life since his last post in october. i won't go into detail as the sensitive nature of the material could invalidate the reputations of certain persons. but, i'll just mention a few things here and there.

so, i have a new job. and i love it. for the first time in a long time, i find myself happy -actually happy- to go to work. the thrill of being able to help a person both physically and mentally is exciting. the outcome rewarding. i smile all day. once again i am inspired and at the same time encumbered also by a burden. i read articles of the atrocities taking place in darfur - get itchy. i must go there. but i reckon finishing my specialist examinations first would be a good idea - i'll be in better stead then. my dream of starting up a mental health service in central and west africa remains. the mentally afflicted are treated like animals, thrown out onto the streets - beaten , scolded, scalded, humiliated, killed. i hurt. you should too. i fear this goal given me tunnel vision. i have no time for wasting time. consequently people get hurt. i sometimes wonder if im being narcissistic or economical.

2006-10-29T00:14:00.000+13:00

night#2
29/10/6
00:11
i obviously have nothing to do.
i've managed to find a nice quite spot in the doctor's office , and i've strategically kept the door ajar-my little statement that conveys that i really don't want to be disturbed with non-urgent problems, but i am available if the need arises.

its a rare thing - when a house surgeon goes looking for work. i've just recharted two medication charts, made them nice and pretty to look at. maybe its because i'm in such a good mood? ["dig a pony" currently plaing on my Mp3 player...i no longer dispute that the beatles are perhaps one of the greatest band that ever existed. ]

8 more hours till shift ends
guess i'll go find some unsuspecting geriatric patient to play pranks on.

talking cures

2006-09-20T00:15:00.000+12:00

good lord. has it been that long since my last post?
thanks baz for rekindling my enthusiasm for journaling.
your comments inspired me to browse through my previous entries...and i am glad.
it seems i have grown a little, just a little.
i read my little post after i had finished my first 3 months of full time work and i can remember those feelings that i had distinctly. weird. now i am finishing up my last 3 months of full time work as a house surgeon - man it feels good - and stepping up to a registrar position in december. its all happened pretty darn quick. i'm just glad this year is over...
right. i'm starting to fade now. i've just had a bottle of beer, and i think i'm ready for some sleep...

justice, justice you shall pursue

2006-08-06T07:27:00.000+12:00

its been more than a month since my last entry. forgive me if this sounds damaged.

how should i start? i suppose i'll start with my present disposition. a series of events accompanied with each own set of emotions and traumas - and wherein most of these circumstances did not allow catharsis - has led me here. where's that? exhausted and tired, angry.

its been a pretty rough 3 months for all of us. surely the lord didn't want it this way. at the end of some days we find ourselves unable to shake off our bitter temperament. some of us take our bleepers home - what's the point? hospital is home! with each passing minute we become more and more demoralised, acutely aware of our own feelings. we become nasty, impatient, short tempered, angry jerks.

i read something in deuteronomy last night. summed up it goes something like this. "justice, justice you shall pursue - [include mercy somewhere]. i remember God, and the task he set before me and my colleagues - i ask for forgiveness and feel empowered by a renewed sense of responsibility and mission.

i gotta get me this tattoo.

2006-06-28T11:24:00.000+12:00

its not easy being a patient. all your symptoms are so subjective, and you tend to place more significance on some symptoms over others. a doctor will ask you a few "simple" questions which aren't really that simple e.g:where's the pain?

i've taken a sick day. i'm off work. i think i'm recovering from food poisoning. -stay away from KFC at all costs - It started with severe central abdominal cramps that must have been directly linked to the toxins causing my intestines to spasm violently. then the vomiting, - the lead up to a good vomit is always the worse part compared to the relief afterwards. still feeling a little bit whoozy though. maybe its just a sign of over exhaustion?

i wish it was simple

2006-06-17T00:48:00.000+12:00

me and my good friend will drove down together to hamilton this afternoon to re-unite with our mutual friend dan. the triumphant trio as we were! its been a little while since our last reunion. we enjoyed a meal together in this uber-cool hamiltonian cafe whilst espousing on the shortcomings of our health system. we then began to talk about our time in niger together. good times and "my how far we have come" -a mantra which we would often recite on the dank smelly wards of galmi hospital- its soo incredibly weird that even after 10 months of occidental taint the experience of galmi is still fresh in our minds and is yet to be lost in memory. and so we plan to return to that place in the next couple of years.

its strange to relate such experiences within the frame and context of our current working environment. it almost seems ridiculous. how complicated it is over here. the duty to care for our patients is surmounted by our duty to generate screeds and screeds of notes in order to protect ourselves in case of litigation.

as i reflect on the current junior doctors strike and what it actually means to achieve i cannot help but feel a little bit cheated. i wonder if all this is just an intellectual power struggle between heads of equally grotesque beasts of inflated self-importance, and us poor doctors are merely pawns in this battle. we all entered into this contract believing -perhaps too idealistic for our own sanity- that we were going to help people/to help heal our nation, one sick person at a time. we were once human vehicles driven by the cherubs of good will, now we seem to have turned into animals led by demons of ambition and pleasure seeking. although it would be nice if we worked less than eighty - ninety hours a week...

thursday grey

2006-06-10T23:26:00.000+12:00

its saturday.
i can now reflect objectively on the events of thursday night. probably the worst night on call ever! the earlier part of my 7 night stretch was pretty sedate, i.e.: from day 1 to day 6 - you got an appendix here, a gallstone there and everywhere an abdominal pain...i was anticipating and almost half expecting that the last night would either be tremendously busy or deafly silent. the gods of the surgical wards wanted a little more excitement that night, they wanted more than a little "low urine output"...

so there i was starting the shift. the 'day' surgical intern bellowed "welcome! welcome" as soon as i stepped in. an ominous feeling stirring inside me now. and there began the night...i was handed over two sick sick sick patients which was enought to make me a little bit nervous. nevermind the consultant that night wanted me to do hourly checks on mrs.x incase she choked and died. which she did later in the morning-after my shift of course!...whew... There were 5 patients to be admitted in emergency and about 15 needing reviews on the ward. the task was a little daunting...but by grace and support from my aloof seniour we managed to survive the night. by the end of the shift i was physically shaking-i had missed mr. b's vein (a good one too! a big fat juicy one) twice.

i had a couple of fresh moments too. we malaysians have this thing we call a "fresh moment". we don't talk about it much as its a little embarrassing. anyways, you are more susceptible to experiencing a fresho when you are sleep deprived, nervous and caffeine free in my case. remember that lady i was asked to keep checks on, yes...anyways she was crapping out, so i called the intensive care resident...and as soon as she answered the phone...it happened. i was speechless. i could not speak a word of intelligible england. "you know ahhh dat laydeee uh...yah huh she uh dat one you know got crackles one hoh?!....".....silence....awkward silence ensues...."i'll call you back"....

i will stop here...
thanks for listening.

nights

2006-06-05T23:58:00.000+12:00

mr. X was sleeping soundly before i frightened him into wakefulness. i can only imagine the fear as his eyes tried to adjust to the dimly lit room, me a dark figure standing over him ready to attack him with my stethoscope. in hindsight (hence lack of foresight) i probably shoulda been more gentle with the guy in my approach. a "hey Mr. X! i'm just gonna push on your tummy over here!" is not the best way. ... Mr. X survived the night.

i am now 2 hours into the shift. and i am feeling terrific. my brain is adjusting to the day-night time reversal thing. i must say, i do prefer working night shifts. its a lot quieter and if you do need to deal with a sick patient - you have time to think which is a very good thing to do when you have a sick patient.

i spent most of today sleeping. i watched the first hour of that last prequel installment of George Lucas's Star Wars movies...episode III it is called. couldn't watch anymore. that guy that plays darth vadar seemed kinda whiny and just plain ol'stoopid. rather than getting all worked up about losing padme he shoulda invested more time and energy into cloning her. i know i would have.

strike actions

2006-06-02T00:01:00.000+12:00

we're caught in the middle, between two parties with conflicting interests. both clearly misunderstanding each other. if we strike, then the people suffer but only for a few days. if we don't strike the people will suffer in the long run. so i guess its time to strike. for the common good and all that...

hard? nuts...

2006-06-01T23:24:00.000+12:00

got some pictures for ya mike!
the one of the top is of the little big building housing fremantle markets...crazy smells and colours inside. you should take a peek. and then have a wiff...

here's a question. how many doctors does it take to start an oven?

the green sack is called a swag. every bushman in oz has one. you stick your sleeping bag inside this canvas sack, then you slip yourself into the sleeping bag and now you are warm and dry. like moist toast. mmm...

perth action

2006-05-27T22:26:00.000+12:00

i'm back.
this morning @ 4:30am - anneke and jason were roused by all the commotion of my frantic shuffling in the kitchen as i was getting ready to leave for the airport, they sleepily said their farewells.

5:30am - i left armadale airport at around 5 in the morning, my awesome friend hester dropped me off. hester is awesome! and she's got this cool group of kids that she teaches at the local school. she invited me to help out on an excursion to fremantle - where she allocated 6 precocious kids to me - i think i was supposed to teach them something about australian history, unphased at the prospect of such a task - i managed to spout rubbish quite eloquently in full confidence that whatever i told them would be forgotten by the time they turned eleven. ... perhaps i shoulda used that cheat sheet eh hes? :)

-stopped over in adelaide for a couple of hours
-there was this really crap in flight movie which i watched half-way through -"casanova"- don't watch it. its crap. i was hoping for something more savoury as this was the last leg of my return journey. and was in need of some entertainment...sitting by yourself for prolonged periods-strapped into a window seat can be boring.
-back to good ol' aucks! @7:30pm, i anticipated the landing on good old new zealand tarmac, it was incredible.

i declared my sandy tramping shoes (which i wore on our little camping trip up north/?west of perth) @ customs-they're a sad bunch. why did i tell you that? i don't know...anyway, i walked out of the arrival lounge hoping to see someone familiar, and there she was. mum. mum collected me from the airport, i love my mum.

meanwhile my good friend doc phil is having a huge flat warming. i swear i could see his roof on fire from 30000feet in the air. party on phil!

dan and katie. what can i say. i like yas. a lot. you stinkin' bullers!

kangaroo rats and cats

2006-05-25T15:13:00.000+12:00

gidday mates! i like you all very muchly, and i think i'm missing you crazy dongers.
i am sitting in this asian tourist information centre place, using the internet facilities. and there's this funny british chick, acting all asian like...cool.
anyways, i was walking down the street-listening to the mars- and picking off cat hair off my jacket.
everything in perth is within walking distance-if you work/live/play in the city. its quaint, and its quiet. i think its growing on me. not that i'm thinking of moving or anything.
i'll be home on saturday. look forward to seeing you all.
p.s.: got some camping done out in the oz bush-cold cold cold
p.s.s.: mike! your autograph is worth millions over here in Armadale, Perth!

love ya'll!

16:19

2006-05-18T16:19:00.000+12:00

i've come to the end of my 3 month run. i can't help but feel as though there is still some business left unfinished. i wonder if its possible to not feel this way. i find myself mentally visualising each of the patients on a kind of split screen with specific allocated jobs to be executed for each of them. so, i'll be heading off to perth tomorrow morning. 6:50am. which means i gotta be at the airport to check in by 4:50am. dang. i knew i shoulda booked a later flight. oh well...see you soon

was hansel and gretel sad too?

2006-05-16T15:19:00.000+12:00

its tuesday.
as thursday looms closer i feel a foreboding sense of discomfort. i have become somewhat comfortable and accustomed to the ways of psychiatric medicine. i may be a little sad to leave these parts of the woods. the disgruntled and sometimes fuzzy animals have brought me much joy. lo'perhaps it is time for me to venture into the other parts of the forest to search out and smell alien roses. i'll just make sure i leave a trail of valium tablets to guide me back home.

$petrol

2006-05-07T13:27:00.000+12:00

ouch

taking life.....too seriously

2006-05-02T22:55:00.000+12:00

after returning from west africa, i thought 'man i must have picked up a real load of cynicism or something' but maybe its not cynicism, maybe its realism?

this girl is 2 years old. was.

playing 'afro-jungle' music @ a wedding. we were just playing whatever the hell we wanted. there was more noise than harmony really, no one cared none.

village kids. everyday, they walk up this large hill to fetch water from a well. its filthy dirty, but hey what do they care...they're poor, right?

cool. now lets get back to bickering about stale cookies and gossiping about who's going to go out with who!

knee jerk

2006-05-02T15:35:00.000+12:00

i asked myself something(s) today.

what does God think of me? am i doing what i am supposed to be doing?

is it enough to just read my bible? go to church on a sunday? open the door for someone? raise my hands and close my eyes after that magnificent key change? to not stray from convention (because convention keeps us safe...doesn't it?)

the fact that he chose (emphasis on chose) to save us from an inevitable and most unpleasant end i.e: the death after death, overwhelms me with a sort of confused relief. such a gift, if not the ultimate of gifts should move us to live a life of worship. not in the way of raising hands and straining face. but spirit and in truth!

let us be conscious of our social responsibilities….
lets get real…

…. let us glorify him by standing for justice. not charity. charity is superficial.

look at the child with no home, no food, no parents. what will we do about it? read our bibles more? go to church more? open more doors for more people? raise my hands and strain my face more after an even more magnificent key change? although these things are both good and biblical, it is the acknowledgment of God and all his power and glory in the things we do which puts a smile on his face.

worship is not limited to one act (as we have been so conditioned), but is done properly when the heart and attitude is in the right place. true worship is felt inwardly, and manifests through actions. "going through the motions" out of obligation is vain. check out Amos 5:21-24.

a fellow doctor i work with had a chat with a scared and stigmatised-by-the-public manic patient today, and he worshipped.

2006-04-25T09:42:00.000+12:00

mum does some funny things sometimes. here's mum cleaning out the gutter in a poncho.

life is better with nintendo

2006-04-24T20:33:00.000+12:00

mike sent me this t-shirt.
now my life is one kick ass video game!

psych?

2006-04-22T10:31:00.000+12:00

Other fields of medicine tend to be algorithmic, mechanical, leaving little freedom for creativity or variation in the way we treat our patients. Psychiatry allows for this creativity as every patient is different and there are certainly many ways to approach the problems encountered. Being a relatively new field we know, dare I say it, little about how the brain and behaviour work. The brain mind discontinuity is one of the biggest mysteries that has yet to be solved. And this is exciting. There are discoveries being made at a level far more fundamental to human medicine than anything other specialty fields have to offer. For example, finding chromosomes that may harbour a gene for autism, new drug treatments for kids predisposed to bipolar disorder, statins and cholesterol lowering drugs slowing progression of alzheimer's etc, the implication of specific regions of the brain in anorexia nervosa. The main reason why I am opting for psychiatry is that it is the only medical field, I believe, to be “speculative” in the way that the humanities are. It does not rely exclusively on a disease-biology model. I want to study something intrinsically enriching, something that will make me see Man and his environment in a different light. To study psychiatry is to gain understanding of humanity and its frailty.

Psychiatry is challenging, the people we often see are the “sickest of the sick” (some with both mental and ‘medical’ problems). Was it not the desire to help people that drew us to medicine in the first place? In my opinion people with mental illness need our help the most. We have the opportunity to help them achieve a level of functioning that will allow them to live fulfilling and independent lives. How is someone with type 1 diabetes going to survive if their mental state is in such a way that they cannot understand the importance of compliance? We can read about appendicitis or myocardial infarction and learn how to cure these by following specific steps in a mechanical fashion. But when you read about depression or psychosis and see it in our patients, something inherent in our own being is triggered. We begin to feel, and we are allowed to.

photo-oil on canvas-the scream-edvard munch

sans-arcade pronounced sawnh-

2006-04-14T00:42:00.000+12:00

just damn sexy, damn it.

...so punk rock

2006-04-10T11:30:00.000+12:00

So we were chillin’ at the local BK joint when a murder of fine young cannibals entered the place in linear fashion. Colour co-ordinated black shirts with eponymous band names, matching tapered Levi’s – worn almost too low and too tight (an attempt at producing an image just shy of cool). There was a striking contrast between their porcelain skin underneath their black cottons and eye liner. You know the kind, those “emo” kids, displaying a carefully manufactured aloofness. Wallflowers, more self assured than they actually are. Here it seemed that they wanted to say that they felt confident in their indifference to convention, that they are ‘different’. Oh…are they now? I’m not saying that you shouldn’t wear tight black jeans and black t-shirts, - if worn in good taste I think you’d look pretty cool. But it seems ridiculously delinquent when they claim creative individuality while dressing to look just like their mates. They’re really no different from anyone else. Insecurity I suppose is an intrinsic part of our humanness, I guess we all struggle with/for acceptance-whether we choose to admit it or not. I certainly do.

ego surfing

2006-03-27T23:42:00.000+12:00

check these pages out...

www.davin.co.nz
www.davintan.com

love

2006-03-07T16:34:00.000+13:00

i love!...that i don't have any real attachments to anything. i think i've realised the old adage that you should work to live and not live to work. although sometimes it feels like all i do is work, but nevermind that. i mean, i could pack up and leave for some obscure town offset from age old bratislava or maybe kirsk? anytime i want! no fixed abode, no fixed anything really. no real commitments. (you could argue against that). i've got itchy feet, no ring on my finger and no one latching onto my wallet. nice. selfish? ... probably. but i'm happy. i guess im a delayed gratifier.

was over at vince's and kylie's place the other night. some might say it was pretty much a non event, but i like to call it quality time. no need for flashing lights/loud music/or dashes of adrenaline, just time spent with good mates. oh by the way...now that i'm not moving out do you guys want your stuff back?

watched the new tarantino movie last night with shaun. the hairs on the back of my neck still feel pretty stiff.

hey check out these monkeys. see the big swollen thing? yup. that means the female is ready for mating! check it out, her poo is stuck mid-evacuation. yux!

time

2006-02-28T18:42:00.000+13:00

time is a precious commodity. we can't get it back after we've spent it. sigh. i just got a text from my friend mike. he's just spent the last 3 or so weeks rockin' around the snowy slopes of the big colorado/?denver. merely a tame introduction to his big adventure into the wide and crazy world, i should think. and currently nursing a headache and recovering from the giddy flashing lights, reflecting off glistening "gyrating boobies!", of mardi gras in wild new orleans. i reckon we should spend our time, and good amount of it, enjoying new experiences. God gave most of us 5 senses, some more some less, we should be flooding them with all kinds of stimuli. "what's gotten into you whalefarmer?" (i hear you ask?), "why are you writing about this?"...well...i've just finished up my first day as a psychiatric house officer, and i have to say it was the best 9 hours of the week. its a specialty that allows us to spend TIME with the patient without having to answer a million bleeps at once. it allows us to actually get to know our patients, empathise, sympathise, love, like, hate, whatever. we get to practice good medicine. i think we agree that we don't enjoy doing a whole bunch of things badly. we'd much rather do one thing really well. well...maybe that's not true for all of us. for me, i prefer the latter.

boomerang+life=happiness

2006-02-18T17:28:00.000+13:00

welcome to the blogging world my friend's!
two among five or six of my most favourite people in the world have just arrived onto our shores, as i have only just arrived myself...i am wetting my pants with excitement. lets build some electronic sand castles!

grobelhopper!

2006-02-15T22:30:00.000+13:00

check out my man mike's blog

hopin' all ova da show-wuh!

snapple happle!

2006-02-15T22:23:00.000+13:00

a few of you faithful followers have asked me "whalefarmer.? where did you accrue such splendid photos?" and i will promptly answer. "why, with my trusty Minolta SRT SLR of course!" a simple but most excellently awesome lightbox. the pictures it is capable of producing are fantastically magical. slammin' yo asses home beatches yayor!

?bored

2006-02-14T22:36:00.000+13:00

yeah i know. i think if there was one thing i could wish for, for wishing's sake right now it would be this. i wish fluid prose could flow easily from my brain through my nimble fingers. pretty sentences and words would mix and mingle with punctuation so acute and yet not to be too angular so to sound pretentious. i enjoy the freedom of just being able to write rubbish and yet be somewhat satisfied with it. there's almost a calming effect that comes with letting your mind wander. here's how i do it. i start with a thought, just a thought. a small one will do, and then let the words just spill out one by one. a little bit like the beginning of a rain shower. a little drop here and there, and then a little spittle, and from a spittle to a spatter, and from a spatter to a torrent, blah blah blah, i could go on forever. ranting to no one and everyone at the same time. cyber space odyssey. adventures in public viewing platforms, made up of foundations of space, weirdness. weirdness is good. finite weirdness i think.

check out the picture of the galmi gang. adventures in spaced outness wildness!